I’d like to introduce my two-part project Where Color Survives.
If ever there was a musical project I want you to listen to front-to-back, it’s this one. And if ever there was an album that’s not for everyone, it’s this one.
For those of you who don’t know, I grew up as an Evangelical Christian. But over the past few years, I’ve been going through what people call a “spiritual crisis,” a “faith migration,” or a “spiritual deconstruction/reconstruction.”
Call it whatever you want, it was not fun.
I had a lot of big doubts, questions, and life struggles that lead to my worldview and spiritual beliefs shifting. And it was more a thing that happened to me rather than me deciding to tear it down.
This spiritual migration went into hyperspeed in 2018, which is when I wrote most of these songs. So they take you through the story of my experience with this whole shift.
The songs on Part One: Struggle take you through the doubts and questions and struggles that caused this spiritual crisis...
Who wrote the Bible? Can I trust it? How am I supposed to read it? Is there a God? If so, does that God hear my prayers? Why do little children die or suffer life-threatening diagnoses? What happens when we die?
And the songs on Part Two: Fruition deal more with where I’ve settled in, what this spiritual shift has led to...
Can I be okay with not being certain of anything? What's it look like to put people before my theories about the world? Is prayer supposed to work like a vending machine, or is it something else entirely? Can any of us really define God or even prove God exists?
(Fun fact: the last line of the last song on part two sums up the whole project nicely).
And, surprisingly, this whole experience has painted me into a more present, more colorful day-to-day life. And when I say “colorful,” I mean rich with both the pleasant and unpleasant things. Colored with all the emotions. But emotions are good, even when they're uncomfortable.
Nowadays, I feel there are better opportunities for me to do each day with more humility. Because I’m not sure of anything (or much), I can allow more in and give more to others. On good days, I'm more present than I've ever been in my adult life.
I’m okay with the gray, because that’s where color survives.
Why share all this?
Because when I heard other people's stories similar to mine, it helped me. It made me feel like I wasn't alone. So I hope this post and this album somehow help you, wherever you are, but especially if you're in the middle of big doubts.
I'm betting many of you have questions. So please feel free to comment below or email me at music@calebjmurphy.com.
Take care,
- Caleb
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