My new album may not be for you

I’d like to introduce my two-part project Where Color Survives.  

If ever there was a musical project I want you to listen to front-to-back, it’s this one. And if ever there was an album that’s not for everyone, it’s this one.

For those of you who don’t know, I grew up as an Evangelical Christian. But over the past few years, I’ve been going through what people call a “spiritual crisis,” a “faith migration,” or a “spiritual deconstruction/reconstruction.”  

Call it whatever you want, it was not fun. 

I had a lot of big doubts, questions, and life struggles that lead to my worldview and spiritual beliefs shifting. And it was more a thing that happened to me rather than me deciding to tear it down.  

This spiritual migration went into hyperspeed in 2018, which is when I wrote most of these songs. So they take you through the story of my experience with this whole shift.  

The songs on Part One: Struggle take you through the doubts and questions and struggles that caused this spiritual crisis...

Who wrote the Bible? Can I trust it? How am I supposed to read it? Is there a God? If so, does that God hear my prayers? Why do little children die or suffer life-threatening diagnoses? What happens when we die?

And the songs on Part Two: Fruition deal more with where I’ve settled in, what this spiritual shift has led to...

Can I be okay with not being certain of anything? What's it look like to put people before my theories about the world? Is prayer supposed to work like a vending machine, or is it something else entirely? Can any of us really define God or even prove God exists?

(Fun fact: the last line of the last song on part two sums up the whole project nicely). 

And, surprisingly, this whole experience has painted me into a more present, more colorful day-to-day life. And when I say “colorful,” I mean rich with both the pleasant and unpleasant things. Colored with all the emotions. But emotions are good, even when they're uncomfortable.

Nowadays, I feel there are better opportunities for me to do each day with more humility. Because I’m not sure of anything (or much), I can allow more in and give more to others. On good days, I'm more present than I've ever been in my adult life.

I’m okay with the gray, because that’s where color survives.  

Why share all this?

Because when I heard other people's stories similar to mine, it helped me. It made me feel like I wasn't alone. So I hope this post and this album somehow help you, wherever you are, but especially if you're in the middle of big doubts.

I'm betting many of you have questions. So please feel free to comment below or email me at music@calebjmurphy.com.

Take care,

- Caleb


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8 comments

  • Emily

    Emily Indiana, PA

    Caleb, as always, we love the new album and Lorenzo can't get enough! Thanks for being honest and vulnerable.

    Caleb, as always, we love the new album and Lorenzo can't get enough! Thanks for being honest and vulnerable.

  • Caleb J. Murphy

    Caleb J. Murphy

    Thanks, Emily! And he's my biggest fan!

    Thanks, Emily! And he's my biggest fan!

  • Emily

    Emily Indiana, PA

    I've always wondered if you can see the usernames of who is listening to your music on spotify. I'd be interested to know how many hours we listened to Everybody Breaks hahaha

    I've always wondered if you can see the usernames of who is listening to your music on spotify. I'd be interested to know how many hours we listened to Everybody Breaks hahaha

  • Caleb J. Murphy

    Caleb J. Murphy

    Well, I can tell you Dom's playlist called "lorenzo" has two listeners and currently 649 streams :)

    Well, I can tell you Dom's playlist called "lorenzo" has two listeners and currently 649 streams smile

  • Josh

    Josh Pittsburgh

    Amazing songwriting Caleb. I love the story and honesty it tells. Beautiful record(s). Something I’ve learned is that if I could ever fully understand the infinite God...then perhaps God is not so infinite. I’ll never understand it all but God keeps inviting us to try...so the older I get my view of God and man continues to change...I think for the better.

    Amazing songwriting Caleb. I love the story and honesty it tells. Beautiful record(s). Something I’ve learned is that if I could ever fully understand the infinite God...then perhaps God is not so infinite. I’ll never understand it all but God keeps inviting us to try...so the older I get my view of God and man continues to change...I think for the better.

  • Caleb J. Murphy

    Caleb J. Murphy

    Thanks, Josh! Good point. I think it may be more about connection than certainty.

    Thanks, Josh!

    Good point. I think it may be more about connection than certainty.

  • Josh

    Josh Pittsburgh

    Yes...God’s silence can be deafening. My pastor recently pointed me to Psalms 33: 13-22 which has been of great help to me. When God has felt far away from me...words of encouragement feel like insults...but as you said, “Someone’s trying to love up inside of my world.” I feel that God finds ways to ultimately remind me of his care and love....sometimes softly. Sometimes I think God has me pray...not because god needs my requests but so I can be reminded I need him.

    Yes...God’s silence can be deafening. My pastor recently pointed me to Psalms 33: 13-22 which has been of great help to me. When God has felt far away from me...words of encouragement feel like insults...but as you said, “Someone’s trying to love up inside of my world.” I feel that God finds ways to ultimately remind me of his care and love....sometimes softly. Sometimes I think God has me pray...not because god needs my requests but so I can be reminded I need him.

  • Caleb J. Murphy

    Caleb J. Murphy

    Yeah, "where is God?" is a question people have been asking, well, since forever, so we've all been there. Nowadays I like to think that God is shouting and we just have to listen. Richard Rohr said it nicely: "We cannot attain the presence of God because we're already totally in the presence of God. What's absent is awareness. Little do we realize that God is maintaining us in existence with every breath we take. As we take another it means that God is choosing us now and now and now." So that means breathing is a form of praying. It's a comforting thought.

    Yeah, "where is God?" is a question people have been asking, well, since forever, so we've all been there. Nowadays I like to think that God is shouting and we just have to listen.

    Richard Rohr said it nicely: "We cannot attain the presence of God because we're already totally in the presence of God. What's absent is awareness. Little do we realize that God is maintaining us in existence with every breath we take. As we take another it means that God is choosing us now and now and now."

    So that means breathing is a form of praying. It's a comforting thought.

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